Gazing out a Canadian window into the woods, white with fuzzy hoar frost coating every branch and twig in a magical grey-white land, I have a choice. I can tune into this cold and dreary darkness or into its magical beauty. I actually choose both! I attune to the cold, unknown greyness and to its magical, mysterious beauty. Attuning to the dualities of our world is what helps to give us emotional balance and resilience. Since beginning to use the acronym EFIT for Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy about six years ago, I have grown to appreciate emotional fitness as an apt metaphor of what we are helping our clients - individuals, … [Read more...]
Saving the Day and Slowing Down: Client Stories
Sometimes I try too hard and react too hastily. Three possibilities can save the day and prevent further injury or escalation. By good fortune, my misperception may be interrupted as in my first example below. I may check in to clarify before reacting, as in my second example. I may reach out to a colleague for perspective and support as in the final example. The examples I am about to share, while not named, are representative of a broad range of diverse social locations, differing races, genders, religions, faiths, left- and right-leaning, even though not specified below. (Client stories I recount have been read by these … [Read more...]
A Different Kind of Love Story: Beloved Community
Inspired by many great writers, I want to offer you a different kind of love story for Valentine’s Day 2022. Amanda Gorman – the youngest U.S. Poet Laureate who recited “The hill we climb” at Biden’s inauguration -- also wrote “Call us what we carry,” ending in these words: We are not me— We are we. Call us What we carry. I was meditating on this poem as I thought about how Valentine's Day is a celebration of love, and not just romantic love. I'm talking about the love that exists in all kinds of relationships, all of which needs to be celebrated and contemplated. Dr. Sue Johnson's keynote at the 2019 Psychotherapy Networker, titled … [Read more...]
Welcome to 2022 and to Martin Luther King Day weekend!
(This blog post ends with a UNCG sponsored public event in honor of Martin Luther King, so please read to the bottom!) My day began with my son, who lives with autism, reading me a quote from St. Francis of Assisi entitled “Stages”: Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and before you know it, you will be doing the impossible. What a good reminder this is as we face a new year with a world dominated by all the uncertainties of COVID, the growing efforts to build a better future in a world dominated by systemic racism and oppression, and a climate crisis! There are a few contexts for which I personally draw … [Read more...]
For October’s post: An Attachment Injury EFT “Nugget”
I love writing about EFT and AIRM, but for October I decided to make a video in lieu of a written blog post. In this 7-minute video, I'll be talking about working with a couple in distress after an attachment injury. Please enjoy and share! … [Read more...]