June and July 2022, some of the hottest summer months on record in North America, brought massive wild fires! Formerly celebratory holidays at the beginning of July in both Canada and the USA became days of mourning and cultural reckoning. Outside and inside, fire and dry tears burn with growing anguish and recognition of the residuals of colonialism and slavery and how I as a white person am part of this oppressive system! Given that I am white, hetero, cis female and that EFT was traditionally developed by white clinicians with white clients in a dominantly heterosexual context, I realize that my best efforts at times are hurtful. The past … [Read more...]
Love or Indifference?
“We are obsessed with love and relationships. But what do we really know about love?” These are the opening words of Dr. Sue Johnson’s 2013 book Love Sense: The revolutionary science of romantic love. Ever since that book was published, I have made it my mission to explore how this search for love pertains as relevantly to individuals not in romantic relationships as to those who are. Love We know that love, as defined by attachment science, means that we are bonding mammals needing a safe connection with at least 1 or 2 others in order to survive and thrive. There are no options. Without human connection we die. The search for secure … [Read more...]
Acknowledging Unearned Privilege and Creating Emotional Balance with EFT
April 2021 begins with markers of spring and climate-change induced weather calamities. It is a month filled with diverse reminders of death and new life, hope and horror, darkness and light. North America is facing the reckoning of the murder trial in the killing of George Floyd, the impacts of mass murders in Atlanta and Boulder, and violence in quiet communities in Canada; humanitarian crises and atrocities unfold in Ethiopia, Myanmar faces death and destruction, and the list goes on and on. Our world, like the EFT community is diverse, spanning many continents, with many racial, ethnic and cultural differences. Humanity has many … [Read more...]
Learning EFT from Life: Empathic Reflection of the Present Process
I am often asked by trainees and students how long I have been practicing Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). I could say I began to integrate elements of EFT with my first Person Centered paper in 1976; however, learning a model of therapy – what Carl Rogers called a way of being – it is more accurate to say I am engaged in a lifelong practice of learning. My journey of learning EFT began 66 years ago when I was born into a socially conscious, nature-loving, book-revering, Canadian dairy farm family! I spent my childhood from the age of six bonding and attuning with my closest sibling – a sweet non-verbal brother with … [Read more...]
Valentine’s Day: A day of love? Time to think differently.
Let’s broaden the perspective on love beyond romantic love! Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy is a process of love as much as is couple and family therapy. In EFIT we are not working to repair the tattered bond of one specific romantic relationship; rather, we are working with one individual to identify the patterns that shape their world and to reshape those patterns by drawing from the emotional energies embedded in their world. We all need another: Love, as defined by attachment theory is an accessible, responsive, secure bond. Sue Johnson suggests the acronym ARE (accessible, responsive, and engaged) represents the … [Read more...]