Let’s broaden the perspective on love beyond romantic love! Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy is a process of love as much as is couple and family therapy. In EFIT we are not working to repair the tattered bond of one specific romantic relationship; rather, we are working with one individual to identify the patterns that shape their world and to reshape those patterns by drawing from the emotional energies embedded in their world. We all need another: Love, as defined by attachment theory is an accessible, responsive, secure bond. Sue Johnson suggests the acronym ARE (accessible, responsive, and engaged) represents the … [Read more...]
February is a time for both love and validating righteous anger: Thoughts on How Love Can Revolutionize Therapy and Our Racist Society
"What’s love got to do with it?" Is love just a second-hand emotion, as Tina Turner sings? “Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?” Where is love in a society exploding with white privilege, horrific racial injustices, cultural inequities, and a pandemic disproportionately effecting people of color? Where does love fit into individual therapy with people whose distress is met with no loving relationships for comfort or support? How can love revolutionize our therapy and our racist society? Love, defined as safe and secure bonds, is the north star for therapists. “Love is not only an end for therapy; it is also the means by which … [Read more...]
A Blog for Therapists: Learning How to Be Leaders for Compassionate Change
As we enter 2021 – in a world in illness and chaos, I am committing to write a monthly blog for therapists. I begin this year with a call to renew our sense of purpose as therapists and educators. I am inspired by the thoughts of my mentor, Dr. Sue Johnson. Her recent acknowledgement that the word educate comes from the Latin educere, meaning to “lead out,” highlights the role and responsibility I have as an educator and a therapist to be a force for change in the world. As I embark on a new year of seeking to improve my EFT therapy and training, I want to challenge myself and all of you to renew your sense of purpose as leaders for … [Read more...]
My New Year’s Wishes to Each of You
Several messages of love have touched and inspired me in 2020 – a year of grief and legitimate outrage. The shocking violence towards Black and brown people, while not new, has shone the spotlight on love and resilience in the face of systemic racism and marginalization and inspired me towards love and cultural humility. My hope for you is that you receive and share this love during this upcoming year. “We need the eyes of others to form and hold ourselves together,” writes Daniel Stern in The Present Moment in Psychotherapy and Everyday Life (2004). Attachment theory holds that we are all born expecting loving to hold us – and that this … [Read more...]
Repost: Wrapping up our 2020 Antiracism and Attachment Conversations
(Originally posted on Carolina EFT's website.) We have been thrilled to have so many therapists from across North America attending Carolina Center for EFT’s online Conversations on Attachment and Anti-Racism! On December 7, 2020, we gathered for our fourth in the series. We discussed racism and antiracism, as well as various ways we are incorporating deliberate efforts to be antiracist in our work as clinicians. The conversation series was initiated this summer in the wake of the death of George Floyd and our collective concern about how to respond. Personally, I was appalled. I was struck with urgency and bewilderment about what to do. … [Read more...]