Let’s broaden the perspective on love beyond romantic love! Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy is a process of love as much as is couple and family therapy. In EFIT we are not working to repair the tattered bond of one specific romantic relationship; rather, we are working with one individual to identify the patterns that shape their world and to reshape those patterns by drawing from the emotional energies embedded in their world. We all need another: Love, as defined by attachment theory is an accessible, responsive, secure bond. Sue Johnson suggests the acronym ARE (accessible, responsive, and engaged) represents the … [Read more...]
My New Year’s Wishes to Each of You
Several messages of love have touched and inspired me in 2020 – a year of grief and legitimate outrage. The shocking violence towards Black and brown people, while not new, has shone the spotlight on love and resilience in the face of systemic racism and marginalization and inspired me towards love and cultural humility. My hope for you is that you receive and share this love during this upcoming year. “We need the eyes of others to form and hold ourselves together,” writes Daniel Stern in The Present Moment in Psychotherapy and Everyday Life (2004). Attachment theory holds that we are all born expecting loving to hold us – and that this … [Read more...]
Repost: Wrapping up our 2020 Antiracism and Attachment Conversations
(Originally posted on Carolina EFT's website.) We have been thrilled to have so many therapists from across North America attending Carolina Center for EFT’s online Conversations on Attachment and Anti-Racism! On December 7, 2020, we gathered for our fourth in the series. We discussed racism and antiracism, as well as various ways we are incorporating deliberate efforts to be antiracist in our work as clinicians. The conversation series was initiated this summer in the wake of the death of George Floyd and our collective concern about how to respond. Personally, I was appalled. I was struck with urgency and bewilderment about what to do. … [Read more...]
My On-Going Attachment Story: a Tribute to My Mother
I feel so fortunate in so many ways. I know many of you are also grieving - so I am not asking for any special condolences - only sharing. My mother passed away at 3:03 AM on October 31st at 99 years old - under a full blue moon. My brother Sandy arrived to her room while she was still warm and took some pictures of her for me at my request. It was so comforting for me to be talking with him on the phone while he was in the room with her body. We both loved her so much and she become sweeter with each day. Her timeline was shrinking, and she longed so much to see her mother, not comprehending that her mother was no longer … [Read more...]